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Currently attending anger management therapy for slow play. Is a world authority on lamb shank preparation. Has a tattoo on his arse that says “If you’re reading this, we’re in prison”.
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The Dogdish Jeppe boy voted most likely to marry his cousin . Was an exotic dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar before joining the navy. Secretly harbours a desire to
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Wanted to become a ventriloquist but the puppet couldn’t get a word in. He is able to hold several conversations simultaneously. In fact most conversations on tour involve him. Nightmare
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Always performs a quick cash flow projection before teeing up in front of water. Prefers all his clothing in orange except his overalls. He considers SPR (shanks per round) as the
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Friends are all stupid and don’t know nothing. Famous for his one day swing. Has as much chance of winning tour as Italy winning the World Cup
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Introduces himself and starts each sentence with “Are you a champion?”. The first non gringo to lift the trophy. Nightmare Scenario: Removal of the word “gimme” from the golfing dictionary. Swing
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Considers himself a leading collector of vintage golf shirts. Always bemoans not being straight on tour. Nightmare Scenario 1: Any dogleg left. Nightmare Scenario 2: Full Tilt showing him how to
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Has a hapless desire to be known as WWIII. Previously known as Tiffany. Favorite pronoun: They. Drink of choice: Bud light
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Brings a new measure of performance to Fatcat (KPR). When not playing golf, he sells products with a tight seal.
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He disappears faster after 9pm than his grey hairs on a trip to Denmark. The only thing he can beat with his eyes closed is insomnia. As much chance of
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Tries hard to convince everybody that he actually works in Mauritius. Fondly referred to as “Island Boy” in his local Hells Angel charter. Has about as much chance of winning
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A sheep in wolf’s clothing. Considers himself “The most desirable” on tour. Sometimes unfairly referred to as “gums” having relinquished his Fines master role. Swing Analysis: What he lacks in
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Fully Bilingual – Speaks fluent English and Fox News. Claimed the 2015 Marbella CC Junior Championship. Has about as much chance of winning tour as Hilary going to jail.
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Recently wrote an article titled “Gender Identification in the modern era”. Lists his Domicilium Citandi as Pat Pong Street. Swing Analysis: Currently the subject of a dissertation titled “Unusual Biomechanical and
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Recently featured in an article on 007.com called “Bond on a budget”. A close second to Rocketman in the insomnia stakes. Nightmare Scenario: Getting bunker advice from Canthitabal.
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CFO and poultry evangelist for Woodchuck Chicken.Similar to a greek but not as hard working. Describes himself as a day trader … in gyros. Good for a top twenty four
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The Tommy Hillfiger of Fatcat. VDCP calls him Poepchic. Nightmare Scenario: Getting dressed in front of a full length mirror. His personal challenge – a needs analysis of Rabbi’s wardrobe
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Now looking for a second assistant given his expected workload this year. Nightmare Scenario: Having to foot any alcohol bill. Has about as much chance of winning as being nominated
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Has this year managed to reduce his swing thoughts to under 25. Nightmare scenario: Playing with Chewbacca, Oom Tromp and Magoogle in the same four ball. Most regrettable words spoken
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His goal is to one day shoot his age – will be lucky to shoot his weight. Career highlights include Saturday afternoon C-division winner in 2007. Swing Analysis: Like an
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Being anywhere close to him for extended periods guarantees you an appointment with the doctor. Contributes a considerable amount of revenue at Rocky’s range. Snores in his sleep … according
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His staff see more of Halleys comet than they do him. Recently joined Alcoholics Anonymous – still drinks but uses a false name. Has about as much chance of winning
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Another Jeppe alumni although Jeppe refuse to acknowledge this. Will be more like a lawnmower than a scooter after his initial appointment with Farpiktok. Fluent in English and Nashua.
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The Dennis Thatcher of Dainfern. Travels with his own Physio. Nightmare Scenario: Being restricted to no more than 10 beers per night. Has as much chance of winning tour as Cabronski
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Paints himself as an Old Master – Only one of those attributes apply on the course. Always the last to know when it starts raining. Swing Analysis: He makes Fred
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His pre shot routine includes preparing for disappointment. His mantra on the course is never surrender – he normally wins hands down. He recently said “If I had 50c for every
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Last year he had a great joke about inflation but it’s hardly worth a laugh now. Considers himself to be the Crypto King of Melkbosstrand.
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Often likened to a squirrel on tik. He makes Full Tilt look like a wallflower. Nightmare scenario: Taking chipping advice from Chewie and Fargo
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His body turn always carries the risk of a hook, never mind a hernia. Has been known to nod off on his downswing. Has about as much chance of winning