Rocky the Range Rat (7)
Considers himself to be the heavyweight of the tour although these days his idea of a one-two combo is a Myprodol and a nap. Often heard singing Eye of the tiger
Category: 2015 Players
Kojak (13)
Resurrected and held together with duct tape and a prayer. Everybody hoping he can make it though Sunday without disintegrating.
Full Tilt (20)
Uses lots of arty terms like: “Abstract erotic art is the shape of things to come” Is busy with his first book: “The Full Tilt Swing – An accident waiting to happen”
Herb (11)
Suggested sponsoring fast food vouchers for longest day. The committee thought the tutu was less cruel.
vanderchippenputten (12)
Not much is known about VDCP except he’s from the country that brought you wooden golf shoes and do-it-your-self euthanasia.
Oom Trigger (26)
The current middleweight junior senior champion at Marbella. Has yet to realise Pinotage and first place don’t normally go together.
Hägar the Effervescent (8)
Winner of many prestigious trophies including the “hole in 3” Is an expert on famous swedish sports stars between 1750 and 1829.
Regs (24)
Deals in the exotic trade of aerosol valves. He has refuted the claim that the hole in the ozone layer lies directly above his factory.
Senor Rabbi (14)
Highlights from 2014 included upgraded shoes. Aims all his shots perpendicular to general flow of play
XXX (22)
Rated R for Ringer. Always good for a top 20 finish
Dutch (9)
Past champion/chairman. Speaks many languages: English, Afrikaans, Dutch and Gibberish. Fine example of the mantra “You ain’t much if you’re Dutch”
Big Mac (9 but soon to be reduced)
Extra sand replenishment trucks are on standby in April for the Big Mac bunker express. His golf not likely to improve as he has recently had to commit to a 3 day work week
Oz (17)
They say lightning doesn’t strike twice. In fact we were surprised there was even a spark the first time. Always good for a laugh especially whilst watching his swing
String (14)
String is the AB de Villiers of Fatcat. His swing widely adopted in cricket circles
Oupaw (4)
Returning to tour this year after realising how much prize money he was missing out on. Considers golf far more lucrative than his day job
AliBabalaas (15)
Lives in a place surrounded by sand dunes (don’t even think Big Mac here) and yet works in shipping. Likes to think of himself as the Tiger of the Middle East.
Groucho (12)
Telling someone at a Dainfern dinner party that you’re friendly with Groucho is like telling them you have the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze. Currently divides his time between the Dainfern and Douglasdale Country Clubs
Dago (16)
Canthitaball has been practisingnall and may supriseyouall. Or maybe not
Wiiings (7)
Captain Wiiings or Captain Wiiings – Retired as he is now known. Unfortunately never been much of a long haul man. Recently joined the Douglasdale Country Club
Spud (42+)
Often likened to a wookiee without hair. Too busy plying his trade in the desert to play golf or don the pink tutu.
Fargo
Fargo has deemed the pressure of wearing the pink skirt too much. He aims to be as far away as possible during this time
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