Currently attending anger management therapy for slow play. Is a world authority on lamb shank preparation. Has a tattoo on his arse that says “If you’re reading this, we’re in prison”.

Read More »

The Dogdish Jeppe boy voted most likely to marry his cousin . Was an exotic dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar before joining the navy. Secretly harbours a desire to become a bus conductor.

Read More »

Wanted to become a ventriloquist but the puppet couldn’t get a word in. He is able to hold several conversations simultaneously. In fact most conversations on tour involve him. Nightmare Scenario: Developing a sudden speech impediment.

Read More »

Always performs a quick cash flow projection before teeing up in front of water. Prefers all his clothing in orange except his overalls. He considers SPR (shanks per round) as the most useful metric to measure his performance.

Read More »

Friends are all stupid and don’t know nothing. Famous for his one day swing. Has as much chance of winning tour as Italy winning the World Cup

Read More »

Introduces himself and starts each sentence with “Are you a champion?”. The first non gringo to lift the trophy. Nightmare Scenario: Removal of the word “gimme” from the golfing dictionary. Swing Analysis: Reminiscent of someone fighting a swarm of bees.

Read More »

Considers himself a leading collector of vintage golf shirts. Always bemoans not being straight on tour. Nightmare Scenario 1: Any dogleg left. Nightmare Scenario 2: Full Tilt showing him how to complete his backswing.

Read More »