A sheep in wolf’s clothing. Considers himself “The most desirable” on tour. Sometimes unfairly referred to as “gums” having relinquished his Fines master role. Swing Analysis: What he lacks in confidence off the tee, he also lacks in swing speed.
Fully Bilingual – Speaks fluent English and Fox News. Claimed the 2015 Marbella CC Junior Championship. Has about as much chance of winning tour as Hilary going to jail.
Recently wrote an article titled “Gender Identification in the modern era”. Lists his Domicilium Citandi as Pat Pong Street. Swing Analysis: Currently the subject of a dissertation titled “Unusual Biomechanical and Neuropsychological Mechanisms of Movement”
Recently featured in an article on 007.com called “Bond on a budget”. A close second to Rocketman in the insomnia stakes. Nightmare Scenario: Getting bunker advice from Canthitabal.
CFO and poultry evangelist for Woodchuck Chicken.Similar to a greek but not as hard working. Describes himself as a day trader … in gyros. Good for a top twenty four finish.
The Tommy Hillfiger of Fatcat. VDCP calls him Poepchic. Nightmare Scenario: Getting dressed in front of a full length mirror. His personal challenge – a needs analysis of Rabbi’s wardrobe
Now looking for a second assistant given his expected workload this year. Nightmare Scenario: Having to foot any alcohol bill. Has about as much chance of winning as being nominated to run an AA meeting.
Has this year managed to reduce his swing thoughts to under 25. Nightmare scenario: Playing with Chewbacca, Oom Tromp and Magoogle in the same four ball. Most regrettable words spoken on the golf course: “Ok honey, you drive”
His goal is to one day shoot his age – will be lucky to shoot his weight. Career highlights include Saturday afternoon C-division winner in 2007. Swing Analysis: Like an octopus falling out of a tree.
Being anywhere close to him for extended periods guarantees you an appointment with the doctor. Contributes a considerable amount of revenue at Rocky’s range. Snores in his sleep … according to Oz ???
His staff see more of Halleys comet than they do him. Recently joined Alcoholics Anonymous – still drinks but uses a false name. Has about as much chance of winning as identifying his own dog in a lineup parade.
Another Jeppe alumni although Jeppe refuse to acknowledge this. Will be more like a lawnmower than a scooter after his initial appointment with Farpiktok. Fluent in English and Nashua.
The Dennis Thatcher of Dainfern. Travels with his own Physio. Nightmare Scenario: Being restricted to no more than 10 beers per night. Has as much chance of winning tour as Cabronski revoking his Mexican citizenship.
Paints himself as an Old Master – Only one of those attributes apply on the course. Always the last to know when it starts raining. Swing Analysis: He makes Fred Astaire look like a statue.
His pre shot routine includes preparing for disappointment. His mantra on the course is never surrender – he normally wins hands down. He recently said “If I had 50c for every scorecard I’d miscounted I’d have R10.80 now”.
Last year he had a great joke about inflation but it’s hardly worth a laugh now. Considers himself to be the Crypto King of Melkbosstrand.
Often likened to a squirrel on tik. He makes Full Tilt look like a wallflower. Nightmare scenario: Taking chipping advice from Chewie and Fargo
His body turn always carries the risk of a hook, never mind a hernia. Has been known to nod off on his downswing. Has about as much chance of winning tour as setting a new 400m hurdles record
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